The Senior (College Years Book 4) Read online

  The Senior

  Monica Murphy

  Contents

  Dear ARC reader,

  Prologue

  Chapter 1

  Chapter 2

  Chapter 3

  Chapter 4

  Chapter 5

  Chapter 6

  Chapter 7

  Chapter 8

  Chapter 9

  Chapter 10

  Chapter 11

  Chapter 12

  Chapter 13

  Chapter 14

  Chapter 15

  Chapter 16

  Chapter 17

  Chapter 18

  Chapter 19

  Chapter 20

  Chapter 21

  Chapter 22

  Chapter 23

  Chapter 24

  Chapter 25

  Chapter 26

  Chapter 27

  Chapter 28

  Chapter 29

  Chapter 30

  Chapter 31

  Chapter 32

  Chapter 33

  Chapter 34

  Chapter 35

  Chapter 36

  Chapter 37

  Chapter 38

  Epilogue

  Epilogue Part 2

  Playlist

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  Acknowledgements

  Also by Monica Murphy

  About the Author

  Dear ARC reader,

  A lot happens in this book, specifically near the end, that I know you’ll all want to talk about in your review, but please don’t spoil what happens before the book is released November 4th.

  After release day, you can go for it! I just don’t want readers to have things “ruined” for them.

  I hope you enjoy Eli and Ava’s book! This one means a lot to me, and I hope it will mean a lot to you too.

  XO,

  Monica

  Prologue

  Ava

  The moment my bestie walks through my bedroom door, I fall apart. The tears are flowing, and I can’t even speak. Ellie doesn’t say a word either. She just comes toward me, her arms outstretched as I collapse into her embrace. We sit on the edge of my bed, an open suitcase next to me as she holds me close and lets me cry all over her shoulder.

  Ugh. Men. They’re the absolute worst.

  “Does he know you’re here?” she asks, once my crying has subsided some.

  I pull out of her arms, so I can look at her, furiously shaking my head. “No. And please don’t tell him.”

  “I won’t,” she says without hesitation, though I’m putting her in a tough spot. She’s with Jackson and he’s one of my boyfriend’s…

  Wait. Excuse me. My ex-boyfriend’s best friends.

  Either Ellie will not tell Jackson I’m home or she’ll swear him to secrecy. I won’t even bother dragging Hayden or Gracie into this. Gracie lives with Eli—she’ll have a hard time keeping this a secret. Not because she can’t keep secrets but because she sees Eli pretty much every single day.

  Of course, I have no idea what Eli is doing right now. We blocked each other on everything, which is so petty and stupid, but guess what? Sometimes, we can act petty and stupid.

  “I still can’t believe he gave you an ultimatum,” Ellie says. I glance up to see her watching me, her eyes blazing with anger. “It’s like he doesn’t even care about what an opportunity this is for you.”

  “All he cares about is himself,” I say, wiping any remaining tears from my face. “He’s an asshole.”

  He cares more about how I make him feel. He cares that he doesn’t get to see me as much and that fucks with his head and his game—direct quote. After a while, carrying the responsibility of Eli’s mental state becomes downright unbearable.

  Even going to another college hundreds of miles away couldn’t help me escape that. I love my boyfriend—ex-boyfriend. I do. But I’m starting to realize I was too wrapped up in his emotional state. To the point that I sometimes forgot my own.

  Maybe it’s good we broke up. That last screaming match on the phone showed me that he’s nothing but a selfish prick.

  My eyes sting with tears and that’s it. The floodgates reopen.

  Who knew a human could cry this much?

  Ellie rubs my back and murmurs sounds of comfort while I just sit there like the pitiful girl I am and cry. I’m not even excited about going to Spain anymore. I’m just…sad.

  So, so sad.

  “Maybe I shouldn’t go,” I say with a little hiccup. “I could stay home for the summer and once he’s calmed down, I could go talk to Eli—”

  “No,” Ellie interrupts, her voice sharp. “Uh uh. Don’t you dare give up on your dreams for him, not when he’s treated you so poorly. He doesn’t deserve you giving him another chance.”

  Dang, she sounds so…hostile. “I’m starting to wonder if you hate him.”

  “I don’t hate Eli,” she says with a sigh. “But I hate what he’s doing to you right now. He’s crapped all over your good news and now you’re not even looking forward to going to Europe, thanks to him. It sucks, Ava. You shouldn’t give him that much control.”

  My best friend has really changed, in a positive way, since she’s been with Jackson. She stands up for herself more and isn’t afraid to voice her opinion.

  “He’s never been that controlling…” My voice drifts when I see the look on Ellie’s face.

  “Please. He’s always controlled the narrative of your relationship. You’re a strong person, Ava, but he’s always held influence over you. Maybe it’s time you stood on your own for a little while,” Ellie says.

  I don’t hold back on how that statement makes me feel.

  “But that’s scary,” I whisper. I’ve been with Eli since I was sixteen. That’s almost four years. He’s my first love. My only love. Just thinking about him right now makes my heart swell with overwhelming emotion.

  But thinking about him also makes me sad. And mad.

  Actually, thinking about Eli and the things he said to me when we fought makes me fucking furious.

  Ellie grabs my hands, clutching them in her own. “I know it’s scary. But you’re strong. I’ve always admired that about you. You do what you want, and damn the consequences. You stand up for what you believe in, and right now, you need to believe in yourself.”

  “Oh, I believe in myself,” I say, determination steeling my voice. I can’t be scared. I’m about to embark on the adventure of a lifetime. Going to a foreign country alone for the summer. Learning new things. Meeting new people.

  “Good.” Ellie smiles. “You’re going to have the time of your life.”

  “I hope so,” I murmur, my thoughts returning—as always—to Eli. “Damn it, why couldn’t he support me? I always support him. No matter what he does, I’m right there by his side. And he rarely asks my opinion on things. He just does them without considering me or how I might feel.”

  Not that I believe he does that on purpose. Eli is impulsive. He always has been. And he believes I’ll support his every decision no matter what because I love him, which is true.

  I felt the same way about him, and look where that got me.

  Despite my moving to San Diego and going to college, making new friends and having different experiences from everyone else back home, I made time for Eli. Always. Always, always, always.

  And this is my reward. I make one choice just for me, one very temporary decision that’s going to last all of three months, and he demands I stay home. Tells me I don’t care about him or our relationship. And then gives me the ultimatum—if I study abroad, it’s over between us.

  Who does that?

  Eli motherfuckin’ Bennett, that’s who.

  “You are still going to S
pain, right?” Ellie asks, pulling me from my thoughts. “Don’t let him control your decisions. Do something for you. Just you, Ava. When you come home and you realize you still want to be with him, then go to Eli and tell him that. I’m sure you two could work it out.”

  I hate the idea of crawling back to him, begging him to be my boyfriend again. Talk about humiliating. That is so not my style.

  “Or maybe you’ll come home and realize you don’t miss him as much as you thought you would,” Ellie continues, her voice hesitant. “And that’s okay too. High school sweethearts don’t always last forever.”

  “You and Jackson are pretty happy,” I point out.

  “We didn’t get together in high school,” Ellie says.

  “College. Close enough,” I say, rolling my eyes.

  Ellie jabs me in the ribs with her elbow. “Getting sassy, I see. A good sign. Look, you’re leaving soon. I don’t want you all mopey before you fly off to Europe.”

  Too late. Eli totally ruined my mood.

  “Thank you for coming here to see me,” I murmur. “It means a lot, that you dropped everything to be my support.”

  “Aw, Ava. I would do anything for you. You’re my best friend.” She wraps me up in another big hug, and it takes us a long, long time to let each other go.

  After Ellie leaves, I take a shower, then make my way downstairs to face the music—aka my parents. I find them in the kitchen along with Beck, who’s sitting at the counter eating something.

  When is he not eating? He’s growing into this giant hulk of a human, broader than Jake was at his age. As tall as Jake and our dad, maybe even taller. He’s huge.

  “There you are,” Mom says, her voice light when she spots me. She’s trying to act like I’m not completely heartbroken, and I appreciate her need to keep things positive before I leave the country for the next few months, but she’s wasting her time.

  Nothing is going to change the fact that I’m most definitely heartbroken. Not even the excitement of going to Spain for the first time in my life can fix it. I’m just trying to cope as best as I can.

  “Hey,” I say, as I go to the kitchen counter and sit on the stool next to Beck’s. I can feel Mom’s gaze on me, searching, looking for signs. And the signs are all over me, despite the long shower. Swollen eyes from crying. Splotchy skin on my face. Giant zit on my chin, thanks to stress and being hormonal.

  I look terrible. I feel worse.

  “You want some dinner? Your father is barbecuing tonight.” She gestures toward the double French doors that lead out to the back yard, where my father is currently standing in front of his giant, fancy barbecue.

  “I’m not that hungry,” I say.

  I think of the times Eli would come over and he would help my dad. Or he would throw a football with Beck outside, sending me hot, suggestive looks every chance he could. He’d take his shirt off to drive me crazy and I’d quietly admire his flexing biceps and flat stomach. Knowing I could explore all that smooth, hard skin later as much as I wanted to. When it was just the two of us against the world.

  Now I’ll never get the chance to do it again.

  Pushing all thoughts of Eli aside, I focus on my mother, who’s watching me with her worried, knowing gaze. We’ve talked some about Eli and what he’s done, but not enough for her satisfaction, I’m sure. She has such a soft spot for him. She would never admit it, but damaged boys appeal to her. I think it’s because they remind her of my dad when they first met.

  She’s never told me that, but I’ve heard enough stories over the years to put a few things together. Dad wasn’t in the best shape when he met Mom, and neither was she. They helped each other. Fixed each other. And found love in the process.

  I thought that’s what Eli and I were destined to have—enduring love, but I was wrong.

  So wrong.

  The tears come and I squeeze my eyes shut, tuning out Beck when he asks what’s for dinner, all while he sits there shoveling cereal in his mouth. His words grow distant and all I can see is Eli’s face. All I can hear is Eli’s voice when he told me we were done. Finished. Over.

  That was the first conversation we had. The second one was even worse. I can barely stand to remember it.

  I called him one more time in the hopes we could talk about me leaving like two rational adults, but he told me there was no point. He accused me of leaving him behind and never discussing my choice with him in the first place. My mind was already made up.

  Well, now his was too.

  My phone buzzes and I check it. It’s a text from my big brother.

  Jake: I hope you’re okay. And if you need me to kick a certain someone’s ass, I’m down. Just let me know when and I’ll take care of him.

  A smile teases the corner of my lips and I send him a response.

  Me: Don’t bother. He’s not worth the trouble.

  Jake: Look at you, pretending you’re already over Bennett. Give me a break, sis.

  He knows me too well.

  Me: I appreciate the support. I’m going to miss you.

  Jake: I’ll miss you too. Be safe over there. Love you.

  Me: I love you too, Jakey.

  I send him a string of heart emojis.

  He sends me a couple of eye roll emojis in return. He doesn’t like it when I call him Jakey.

  “We’re here!” a voice suddenly yells from behind me.

  My eyes fly open, and I swivel on the stool to find my big sister entering the kitchen from the garage, her gorgeous fiancé, Ash Davis, standing directly behind her with a wary expression on his face when he spots me.

  Crying women have always freaked him out.

  “Autumn!” I squeal as I lunge for her, delivering such a brutal tackle hug that she literally flies backward. I tighten my arms around her, so she doesn’t fall, crying into her hair as I squeeze her tightly.

  She pats me on the back, her voice muffled. “There, there, baby sister. Tell me where he’s at so I can murder him in his sleep.”

  We used to fight a lot when we were younger. I just wanted her to like me and she wanted me to leave her alone. Our age difference was too great at the time, but now, Autumn is my right hand. My go-to. She will defend me to the bitter end, even if I’m wrong. Even if she doesn’t agree with whatever I’m doing. She’ll stand by me and take care of me, no matter what.

  I would do the same for her, no questions asked.

  “He’s at his apartment,” I tell her, my voice soft.

  My sister pulls away from me, the look on her face nothing short of furious. “Let’s go then.”

  “Autumn—” Mom starts.

  “Mom, I’m serious. We need to go kick Eli’s ass,” Autumn says firmly.

  Ash exits the kitchen as fast as humanly possible. So does Beck.

  “But I don’t want to kick his ass,” I say, hating how whiny I sound.

  Why do my siblings want to beat Eli up so much? I guess I should take it as a compliment. They’re only watching out for me.

  “Well, I do,” Autumn says, not missing a beat. “Little prick. He can’t just throw ultimatums at you like that and expect you to give up your life for him! Who the hell does he think he is?”

  “Autumn—” Mom says again, but my sister gives her a death glare, which makes Mom go quiet.

  “Please don’t tell me you think Eli isn’t in the wrong,” she says, sounding hostile.

  “Of course I think Eli is in the wrong,” Mom retorts, “but you can’t just storm into his apartment and hold a knife to his throat.”

  “I wouldn’t use a knife at first.” Autumn stands up straighter, her expression turning downright haughty. “I’d knee him in the balls to disarm him. Then I’d pull out my knife.”

  She probably would. Our father gave both me and Autumn a pocket knife when we first moved out. Along with mace and a keychain whistle. All the things dads can give their daughters to protect themselves once they’re on their own.

  “You’re not going to knife my ex-boyfriend,” I
say, my tongue tumbling over the word ex. “Showing up on his doorstep makes him think we care.”

  “Oh, I care,” she says vehemently. “I care enough to want to do bodily harm to him for hurting you and breaking your heart.”

  I give her another hug because she deserves it. Her fierce loyalty makes me feel a tiny bit better. “We need to ignore him. Giving him a reaction is what he wants. He’s probably dying right now to know what I’m feeling. What I’m doing. Well, forget him.”

  “Yeah, forget him,” Autumn says in agreement.

  It’s a lot easier than it sounds though.

  How can I forget the boy who owns my heart?

  One

  Eli

  Fall

  “You can’t make me go to that ceremony,” I say with all the confidence I can muster. I want to believe no one can make me go, but deep down, I know the truth.

  Our coaches—hell, my entire team is going to make me go to that special ceremony being held tonight before the game starts. The one where Fresno State is honoring Asher Davis by retiring his number. His entire family will be there, and when I say his entire family, I really mean the one family who took him in when he needed support back in the day. The people he considers his family now.

  The Callahans.

  “You’re going to that ceremony,” Tony says, his steady voice doing nothing to calm me down whatsoever. “You don’t have a choice. Our coaches will kill you. Plus, you should be there just to support Ash. He taught you a lot when you were a baby freshman, or have you forgotten that?”